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Ethan, a professional man, was angry and calling his wife all sorts of names when he came to us. “She’s having an affair with a guy she met at a roller skating rink. I just found out.” He became very tearful. “What can I do? I love her. I want to save my marriage.” He swallowed hard. “I don’t understand. I try to be a perfect husband.”But he hadn’t been a good husband – not really. At least, not in her opinion. When I had the chance to talk with her she told me, “I put up with him as long as I could. I needed someone who would love me the way I needed.” Although they blamed each other, both were at fault; but in her disillusionment she started looking elsewhere outside her marriage and “fell in love” with the first guy who gave her attention. She began a love affair with him. The affair did not endure and soon she was That didn’t last, so she was off looking for another guy. Meanwhile their children floundered.
People have more reasons to justify their forays into adultery than a centipede has legs. Fortunately, physical adultery still shocks people – and especially if the faithless are famous, like Tiger Woods, or Jesse James, the husband of Sandra Bullock. At this time, it doesn’t look like either one is going to be able to save his marriage. Having sex outside your committed relationship can destroy your family, friends and spouse.
When trust is lost, the marriage will follow. It is at that point in time that the one who cheated sometimes realizes just how much he/she has sacrificed, and there is a desire to make things better. Can it be done? Absolutely. Will it be easy? You already know the answer to that. But with the right information, it is a lot easier than most think.
Once trust has been destroyed, most of those marriages fail. It is at that point in time that the one who cheated sometimes realizes just how much he/she has sacrificed, and there is a desire to make things better. Can it be done? Absolutely. Will it be easy? You already know the answer to that. But with the right information, it is a lot easier than most think.
Some of the biggest problems arise when the one who has had the affair is sorry, swears he/she will never do it again and then expects the offended one to forgive and forget and let the marriage go back to the way it was immediately. Forgiveness is only the first part of the process. It takes time and some very specific actions on the part of the offender. Second, though the one who has cheated often just wants things to go back to normal – they really DON’T want that. That NORMAL was what got them into trouble in the first place. What they want is a better, stronger, happier marriage. They just don’t know how to get it. The good news is that things can improve. Time after time, we have seen couples who have experienced adultery go through the rebuilding process, follow the steps that they need to follow, and find that they didn’t just save their marriages, they made them much better than before.
Fortunately, it can be done. Time after time, we have seen couples who have experienced adultery go through the rebuilding process, follow the steps that they need to follow, and find that they didn’t just save their marriages, they made them much better than before.
If you are in a difficult union, it is far easier to start right now, using clearly defined steps, like those we at Love Relationship Headquarters have laid out, to make the marriage you have dynamic and exciting.

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